This is a little piece I wrote last year, about the trials and tribulations of interacting with the opposite sex in this day and age of ultra-advanced communication methods....and how such advances such as text messaging and emails only seem to leave more room for even more misintepretation by both sexes... (all names have been changed to protect myself from any embarrassment - I guess some background information is in order to fully understand the predicament I was in during the following tale, but that will come in time).
Feb 27 2003 - Email to DJV
I had an intersting day yesterday. Well not really but late in the arvo I get this text msg from "G" - "hows things chick?".
Just like that - hows things chick?
So i, in absolute raptures to be getting this communication, reply (a little too quickly as you are about to learn) "good-long time between drinks" and then hear absolutely nothing from him.
Seriouisly DJV, what....what the....WHAT IS WITH THAT?? - "hows things chick?" - Out of the blue, after so long, and then complete silence from the other end. I mean what does IT mean?
You are about to get a lesson - wanted ot unwanted - into how a girl's mind
works - some (the male population) might say overworks....I know for fact, after having countless identical conversations with my sistas, pouring over mobile phones in an effort to extract information from these obvously encrypted messages sent to us by you boys, that I am not alone in feeling utterly confused and mislead by the male text message format and content. It's a chick thing I guess.
So u get a msg from someone u like - let's pick one at random ...say let's use G and his prime example "hows things chick?"
It can't possibly just end there - there has to be some meaning behind it all but what it is, I still dont know. All bets are that you will probably try and tell me he simply is asking how things are. Nice try but you couldn't be further from the truth.
You see a comment so seemingly neutral like "hows things chick?" can be taken in so
many ways, and you can't just hurriedly answer back with an off hand "good" or "fine" or whatever it is your are actually feeling. The "chick" receiver has to think about what she wants to convey too - should I be taking it as an insult? Is he just being nice and really doesnt want to know, or is he trying to get at something more like "how are you coping without me?" or even "do you want to meet for sex sometime soon?"
First of all note punctuation, grammar etc....no capitals used, no apostrophies, nothing but a question mark. Anything unusual about this? Not in this case, as I am surprised he has managed to spell any of it correctly anyway.
Next factor to consider is language used. In this particular case, I have been provided with an interesting word selection (of course, this would not be obvious to anybody but the girl that has received the message) - chick. Okay fine if it was me writing to him because I use that sort of lingo all the time, whether I was talking to my sister in arms, getting jiggy on a drive by or shaking my boom boom like a hoochie mama (u get my drift?), I am noted for my sometimes unusual and (let's just admit it outright) humurous word usage. The boy in question, is not (unless you count fisting as his contribution to the english language and I don't).
Here we have a case where he is attempting to adopt my language style and turn it around on me. G has tried to do this in the past by using MY words, always incorrectly too, AND by calling me Dizzy, which shat me more than anything cause he just doesnt call me that. It's a name reserved for a special few. Anyway, G was one of the first in a long time to start calling me Lizzie again, and THAT was kewl - if you hadda met me 18 mths ago, I would have been just been Liz from the block.
Still his word choice could be an indication that he is thinking about me. Important stuff. He wouldnt and doesnt call anyone else just chick. However, he didn't use his nickname for me - G (for grumpy because I am the happiest person he knows), and that is unsettling. Is he demonstrating that the love just isn't there anymore? Is there somebody else on his scene?
Also bear in mind tone and accentuation - just think back to the infamous "These preztels are making me thirsty" and you should immediately see what I am getting at. Is it just a casual "hows things chick?" with a little "alright?" tacked on the end, and a pat on the bsck to complement it? Or is he seriosuly asking me with lowered voice and looking into my eyes, "hows things......chick?" This is how he asked me last time, in such a serious way, that i knew he wasn't looking for the light hearted "fine."
As you can now see, it took me a good couple of hours to come up with what I did - "good-long time between drinks" and I fear now I have sent the wrong message back to him - literally and figuratively. In hindsight, I should have slept on it, and done something with it this morning with the old "good and u?" but instead I had to take it one step further and imply in some small way that I would like to catch up with him, and worse, that I want to have sex with him. It wasn't until after sending the doomed message that I realised "long time between drinks" could be misconstrued as "long time between shags." In my innocence, I had wanted to somehow convey that I wanted to catch up (with out actually saying it in so many words - i dont want him to think i want to see him). Yet as a result of not carefully choosing my words, I have sent back a desperate, horny love cry for help.
Had I have included "and u?" chances are i would have got a blase "good" back, but if he didn't reply, then I know the first message to begin with "hows things chick?" was just him being polite and not really caring at all.
I have totally scared him off with my over zealous texting. I couldn't just stick to neautral "good and u?" could i? I hate neutral but god, it really is THE rule to follow.
Now I will never know. I am sentenced to wander this earth alone.
I guess a final last thing to contemplate is that the sender could really only mean what he has written. G may have just been asking me how I was. But I doubt it - since when have guys been that easy to figure out??
So what the HELL does it mean anyway? (i am trying to stop my excessive use of the f-bomb, nice girls shouldnt use it i guess and i am trying to be a nice girl). This irks me. If he thinks keeping up a friendship is an occasional (okay more like seldom) msg and the promise of a call that never comes then he has another thing coming. I am going to so kick anything to do with him to the curb. Just as I think I am getting along fine without him and he only occupies my thoughts now let's see 90% of my waking time, this message comes along and kickstarts my heart and that little glimmer of hope flashes its pearly whites at me again and my head goes crazy. Cause i know what this means and it kills me. In the next
couple of weeks he will either call or i will do one of my infamous accidental I-just-bumped-into-you deals and when that happens, he will tell me how much he misses me, how much he loves me, how this is killing him, and how we can't be together.
I think the only solution is to disconnect my mobile phone.
Labels: Boys Boys Boys