DIO #1: How To Send Mixed Signals To That Guy!
You like someone, he likes you. But what can you do to hurry things along, to jump start the romance or the action? I have been asking myself these same questions because I have absolutely no idea whatsoever. But I do have a 100% foolproof way of confusing the hell out of him – even when you don’t mean to!
1. Once flatmate#1 has introduced you, and basically signalled to you that HE is interested and vice versa, after spending 6 hours side by side marvelling at each other’s fashion taste, sense of humour and psycho-ex stories, spend the entire duration of the after party you invited HIM to sitting on flatmate#2’s lap, whilst the two of you rave on to HIM just how much you love each other. In case HE didn’t get the point, make HIM listen to the songs that you and flatmate#2 dedicated to each other during a previous party night.
2. When you and your team throw an impromptu BBQ, at which flatmate#1 says HE will definitely be there, be sure to pretend to completely ignore HIM when HE arrives – even if you happen to be smack, bang, in the middle of the front door when HE opens it! Then jovially dance in the living room for a few minutes, before casually doing 6 tequila shots as HE enters the kitchen. When you feel drunk enough, or when an hour has passed (whatever comes first), walk up to HIM and say offhandedly “So when did you get here?” Proceed to talk, dance and flirt with everyone around HIM, and when you realise you have to be up for work in less than 4 hours, pass out in your room without saying good night. When HE comes in to get something from his bag, in your best raspy snarl, tell HIM to bugger off. When flatmate#1 comes in and drags your comatose ass out to talk to HIM promptly run into flatmate#2’s bedroom and flake out there, but not before giggling loudly for hours behind shut doors with flatmate#2.
Note – for bonus points, when you do drag your sorry self to work the next morning and you find HIM unconscious, sprawled out on the living room floor, do tuck a pillow under HIS head, and cover HIM with a blanket. That way you will be getting thank-yous via flatmate#1 (see below) for days on end, erasing any possible memory that excess alcohol consumption didn’t take care of, HE had of all the prior miscommunications.
3. Keep forgetting to swap phone numbers, even when HE asks you while your phones are in your hands! This way all communication must be relayed through flatmate#1. Therefore the likelihood of flatmate#1 forgetting to pass on messages from HIM that actually require an answer, is increased tenfold. This will certainly help give off the impression that you really well and truly don’t give two shits.
This relationship, or lack thereof, is actually a current work-in-progress, and sad to say, all of my actions have been completely unintentional and probably influenced by me being under the influence of sorts. I’m even heading to a party with HIM tomorrow night, so at least I have another chance to get it right…Since flatmate#2 won’t be mobile tomorrow night, and flatmate#1 will be djing most of the party, it looks like I’m gunna have to bite the bullet and talk to HIM. Though, this time round, the way this scenario unfolds will be the direct result of my own real communication, hit or miss, straight or mixed.