I think one of the most difficult things anyone ever has to hear is "I like you but...". It starts with so much promise and ends with just total deflation when that "but" is thrown in. In the last few years (read: my entire time in Japan) whenever I have become even remotely interested in someone, there has always been that dreaded "but."
I hate it for so many reasons, mainly because it can be used as such an excuse and an easy out ("Rember when I told you I liked you but?"). Not that anything in Japan has ever gotten to the stage where the men in question have needed to use it, things have generally just fizzled out or I've just not cared. The problem now is , I do.
For the first time I can remember since leaving Melbourne, I'm actually genuinely, more than-just-passing-the-time excited about someone I have been spending a lot of time with of late. Except he has a huge but. A really big one that kind of gets in the way of anything moving forward, at least from where I see it.
And I got the whole "I like you but...." thing about 2 weeks ago and even though the conversation continued for a good long while after that, I don't really recall much of it. Something to do with me concentrating on not looking like a deflated shell of myself and acting as though I really understood and was totally cool with it. Cause that's apparently one reason I'm so easy to hang with - because I do understand and I am totally cool with it, at least from where he sees his but.
At present though, I just feel like heaving a big sigh and letting all the hot air out. And possibly scraping the skin from my knuckles. It's so hard to keep my distance, especially when a person's actions are in most part to the contrary, which leaves me thinking that is one confused but. That said means I am especially looking forward to going back to Melbourne and maybe that space will add some perspective to the but for both of us.
There is no way around it. Big buts suck.