1. The black umbrellas come out. In a land I have nicknamed Umbrella Nation for particular reasons (i.e. the Japanese always carry umbrellas - rain, hail, snow and shine), the sun means serious brolly business. Forget the rainbow of colours, forget the Chanel and Louis Vuitton patterns, and don't even think about the Hello Kitty umbrella hanging off your hat stand. Black is back. For you will melt should an skerrick of sunlight somehow scorch your "I'm-so-white-I-actually-look-blue" vampire-type complexion.
2. Just in case the umbrella isn't doing its job properly, best put on those formal black gloves you have stuffed in your underwear draw, the sort that go to the elbow and are kind of reminiscent of the pair Audrey Hepburn dons on the cover of Breakfast At Tiffany's. Put these on under your black sweatshirt that is hanging over your black denim jeans to your knees. Tuck your denim into your black knee high boots and as a finishing touch, get a sun visor. But not just any sun visor, you need the black variety - that's right, the black visors that actually shape downwards and cover your entire facial and neck area. The ones that nobody can see you through - and that you cannot possibly see out of yourself. So Mr. UV Rays though I may faint and possibly die from overheating and dehydration, or some kind of horrible bike accident because the visor really blocks out all vision as well as sunlight, I at least will not melt as a result of your harmful rays. Though I may melt as a result of overdressing for the weather.
3. Hanabi is upon us and means fun for the whole family. Fireworks, fireworks and more fireworks - this city is one big fire cracker! You can get them anywhere at anytime and let them off wherever you please. No age restrictions, no law restrictions, no nothing - get some dynamite and fire power, run amok and go blowing things up. Chu-his and plenty of other alcohol recommended. Just be sure not to aim your rocket at any crowds.
4. Air-cons are blasting off all day and night - set to a warm and balmy 30°C. Any attempt to change it to some kind of cooling temperature invariably results in the Asian vs. Non-Asian Body Temperature Debate, whereby Japanese people argue that because their core body temperature tends to be on the lower end of what is considered healthy (36.1 °C) while Caucasians are generally on the higher end (37.6°C), this meagre 1.5°C difference in body temp therefore justifies the air-con providing the same conditions as my solarium without the benefits - i.e. no U.V. rays or chance of tanning, but with all the sweat and discomfort.
5. In order to combat the heat simply generated by living in what has often been described as a 'concrete jungle', the sidewalks and buildings must be hosed down morning and night. And while you are at it, with the power of the water stream from the motor-powered 'garden' hose you are using, direct all the garbage lying on the street into the storm water drains, where it won't bother us anymore. We don't need to worry about wasting water, after all, Japan is an island and we are surrounded by the stuff!