a The Transit Lounge: Bride versus Bridezilla

Back in the Day: I had a quarter life crisis, headed to Osaka, Japan for the unknown–only to discover that a passport plane ride are not necessarily a ticket to escape. Some Years Later: Settled back in Oz, the man of my dreams ended up in Tokyo for work–which is how a passport and plane ride showed me home is where the heart is. And Now: Well as luck would have it, we are about to embark on Japan Mark 3, with a baby in tow and another on the way...

Monday, August 24

Bride versus Bridezilla

Nearly 12 months ago, I had the unfortunate experience of being on the receiving end of a friendship-ending Bridezilla tantrum. All it took for nearly 20 years of friendship to go down the drain was a drunken miscommunication at this particular Bridezilla's hen's night. I awoke the next morning to find a rather nasty message to me on Facebook and told that in no circumstances did the bride want to speak to me.

In the following days, I left a number of phone, text, email and facebook messages and got nothing back. So I made plans to see my (then) boyfriend in Japan over the same weekend that her wedding was taking place (hey I was not about to let a long weekend go to waste!).

The timing of her wedding was around my 30th birthday, which she missed and I took as an indication the friendship was definitely over. After an awful phone call where Bridezilla screamed things at me such as "My wedding trumps your birthday any day", "I am allowed to say anything I want to you, I am getting married" and the pearler "I am getting married, I can treat people however I want" (I am still not 100% sure she could hear what was coming out of her own mouth), I told her I would not be doing the reading at her wedding nor would I be going.

She then screamed at me "What will I tell the wedding planner?"

I think that was it for me. I had no idea up until that point she had a wedding planner and I thought if you are still treating me like this when you have paid someone to take this stress on for you, then what gives you the right?

Yet since that phone call, I have often wondered if I was in the wrong. We had a great friendship for the most part and I am sad it went AWOL the way it did. Maybe the pressure of organising a wedding - or overseeing someone organising a wedding - is actually so vein-poppingly intense you really do deserve to walk all over people in any way you want. After all, at that time I was not engaged nor was I planning a wedding so I had no personal experience to go on.

Fast forward 9 months to July 2009. My boyfriend - the very one I left Bridezilla at the alter for - proposed to me and of course I said yes.

Fast forward another 6 weeks to present day. In that time, not only have my fiance and I managed to organise 90% of our Melbourne wedding from Tokyo, we have done it ourselves and with help from family, and done it all via phone calls, emails, internet and Skype.

I am so surprised at how easy and stress-free it has been - from my engagement ring (first ring I tried on) to my wedding dress (also first dress I tried on), with a good solid network on the ground (thanks mum and dad) and good communication (i.e. me telling the fiance and my family if I ever start acting like a bridezilla to bitch slap me there and then). As somebody said to me the other day "It only gets difficult because you make it difficult."

In too many cases it seems that people are way too focused on the wedding rather than the marriage itself. Then when something appears to go wrong, it is way too easy to flip out and over react without thinking responses through very well. Hey, your wedding is only 1 day after all. If you can't handle a little pressure then, how are you going to manage 30 or 40+ years of life together?

In some ways it has been a little sad in realising that organising a wedding really can be so easy and hassle free. In other words, it is a downer to comprehend that Bridezilla's behaviour really can't be justified at all.


Blogger David said...

I've been reading your blog for a little while now, but I'm commenting now (why now? not sure, because I recently got married too...) and yeah, some people are just too focused on their wedding day and obsess about it, and go crazy about it, and it's always has been a big mystery to me too...

And there's nothing truer than "It only gets difficult because you make it difficult." (works for way many more things than just weddings btw)...

And being the bride doesn't give you the right to treat other people like shit. Ever. And no, the world doesn't revolve around them that day anymore than any other day, and yes, that day is special and important for them (and a few other more people), but not for the rest of the world, friends included.

Oh and Congrats...

5:55 am

Anonymous Mary said...

Just curious, was she an overindulged 'only' child or just the garden variety of spoilt brat?

1:20 pm

Blogger Miss Riz said...

Hi David,

I agree with you entirely. The rest of the world is still turning while your wedding is being planned and just because it is your focus at a time in your life does not mean it is the focus of all of those around you.

My fiance and I talk often about the fact that people get so hyperfocused on this one day that often little thought is given to what it is actually symbolising and more importantly, what actually lies beyond. Who cares if something goes wrong? I realised it is not like anything major can go wrong - so what if the cake falls off thr table, so what if some relative gets drunk and disorderly - it all makes for a good story to tell the kids.

And Mary, to answer your question in this particular case only child.

7:30 am

Anonymous Ben said...

Lambert gold. It sounds like you have a very understanding and yet broodingly sensual fiancee you is seemingly able to please you in any way you see fit?
Would this be case ?


10:53 pm

Blogger Miss Riz said...

Yes, yes it would be the case. I can't keep my hands off him!

12:41 pm


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